Proverbs 17:22 New King James Version (NKJV)
A merry heart does good, like medicine, But a broken spirit dries the bones.
One of my favourite shows on TV was Kids Say the Darnedest Things. And sure enough if you have children or grandchildren, you’ll agree that some really honest, jaw dropping statements can pop out of the mouths of our little God-sent tots.
I was having brunch with a former friend of mine this morning when she shared some of her grandchild’s antics when she visited recently. I was so tickled by the stories that I promised her that I would share them with my readers.
Then, I thought why just share one story? As a TGIF/ TGIS treat, Why not give you a bag of chuckles to welcome the weekend?
Some I racked up from memory and a few I found at some christian sites. These have summoned up a chuckle or at least a grin, and I’m sharing them here with you, including my friend’s own. I’ve included some that will make you just say “Aaaaaawww” as well.
Now, I’m not much of a joke-teller. I must confess I tell really cheesy jokes which lose their punch line by the time I finish going all around the little unnecessary details, but I’m going to take my best shot here and keep them spiffy and short, with the punch lines.
1. Eenie Meenie
A census taker walked up to a woman who was sitting on a porch. After introducing himself, he said, “How many children do you have?”
The woman answered, “Four.”
The census taker asked, “May I have their names, please?” The woman replied, “Eenie, Meenie, Minie, and George.”
Confused, the census taker said, “May I ask why you named your fourth child ‘George’?”
“Surely, because we didn’t want any Moe.”
2. This No Little Bit
Two year old child visiting with her Jamaican grandma from Germany goes to church for the first time with her. She’s been there for the last three hours, and the Pastor is still going on and on. Seeing no immediate end in sight, child turns to grandma and says, “Grandma, when is church going to be over?” Grandma: Soon baby, in a little bit. Child, (stomping her feet and pouting) “You said that earlier. It’s not a little bit anymore, now it’s a Big bit!
Grandma could barely contain her cackle in church.
Out of the mouth of babes!
A little girl went up to her mother one day while holding her stomach saying, “Mommy, my stomach hurts.” Her mother replied, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”
Later that day when the Evangelist and her husband were over for dinner. The Evangelist began to feel bad. Holding her head she said, “I have such a terrible headache!”
The little girl looked up at her giving her the sweetest smile that any little child could give. Then she said, “That’s because it’s empty, you have to put something into it!”
4. Picture perfect Jesus
A father wanted to read the paper, but was being bothered by his little daughter, Susie. Finally, he took a sheet out of his magazine, on which was printed the map of the world. Tearing it into small pieces, he gave it to Susie, and said, “Go into the other room and see if you can put this together.”
After a few minutes, Susie returned and handed him the map correctly fitted together. The father was very surprised and asked how she had finished so quickly.
“Oh”, she said, “on the other side of the paper is a picture of Jesus. When I got Jesus in His place, then the world came out all right.”
5. Spank him again
It was late at night and Heidi, who was expecting her second child, was home alone with her 3 year old daughter, Katelyn. Heidi started to go into labour and called 911.
Due to a power outage at the time, only one paramedic was able to respond to the call.
The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked Katelyn to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Katelyn did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his feet, and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Katelyn for her help, and asked the wide-eyed 3 year old Katelyn what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Katelyn quickly responded, “He shouldn’t have crawled in there in the first place. Spank him again.”
6. Don’t shove me
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!’
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’
7. And flea
The Christmas holidays were drawing near and after sharing the Nativity story, the Sunday school teacher asked her class to draw pictures of the Nativity scene. So all the children set about drawing their pictures.
The teacher walked around the class and commended each child for their illustration of the Christ family.
When she got to little Nathan’s desk, she saw he had drawn what appeared to be Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. But there was also a curious dot on the page. So the teacher asked Nathan to explain why he had put a dot on the page.
Looking up at his teacher, Nathan patiently explained that it was a flea.
“A flea?” the teacher asked.
Yes, Nathan answered rather patiently, wondering why his teacher wasn’t getting it.
“Cause the story said, Joseph took Mary and Baby Jesus and flea!”
The speechless teacher walked back to her desk in amazement.
8. Wife pains
At Sabbath School one day, the teacher taught how God created everything, including human beings. Little Jaden seemed especially attentive when the teacher shared how God created Eve out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week his mother noticed him rolling around in bed as though he were ill, and asked, ‘Johnny, what is the matter?’
Little Johnny responded, ‘I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.’
Did you get at least one chuckle from those jokes. I know I did. Share the post with another family this weekend.
Have a Happy Sabbath and a restful weekend.
Do you have a clean christian kid joke you want to share? Leave your response in the Comments below.